Am I worthy? Is a question I have been asking myself for years. Am I worthy of the success that I want, the wealth, the family and more? Of course, we would naturally say “Yes you are!”, but why does my programming fight me on it and say that maybe you are not…maybe you do not have it in you…maybe it’s not your time..maybe it will never be your time…
For the last 5 years, I have read more books than I have ever read in my academic career. It’s a shame that I started to enjoy reading so late in my life, however, I am very thankful for the wonderful things I have learned from these great books. What I mostly consume is self-help books, business, and entrepreneurship. Authors like Dave Ramsey, Grant Cardone, Jon Gordon, John Maxwell and much more incredible influencers that for the moment, they are not a phone call away.
Reading those books, I have grown mentally and matured into the man I am today. Those books gave me access to some of the smartest people this planet has ever had. I see the world much differently now. For example, I understand that time is very important to rich people. I understand that we need self-discipline in our lives to get things done. Most importantly, I also understand that we have to believe in ourselves in order to accomplish any goal we set forth to conquer. If I understand those things very well, then why have I been stuck for the last 5 years in the same spot? Why do I feel like I can ‘t be the person who these books want me to be? Why can’t I achieve the success these books say that I can have? Why am I so scared and frustrated all the time?
I am sure we all get the feeling that we are the “only ones” who are going through these emotional tornados in our heads. It is like a black hole sometimes, once I have one of those thoughts, it keeps getting deeper and deeper. Then eventually, its gets darker and darker….is there a way out? Hello?! Can anyone hear me out there? I am alone now with my thoughts…
We think we are alone in our isolated journey and that no one can or will understand us. That may be the case, among your friends and family. You are probably trying to pay rent, looking for another job, having a baby, etc. whatever the case may be, you convinced yourself that you are doing this on your own.
There is a high chance that none of your friends and family will understand what you are going through, and maybe they will never know but… you have to appreciate the ones who are there to hear you complain and bitch about your problems. So appreciate them!
Either way, I appreciate the concern and empathy that people show, at the end of the day, they will not understand the struggle unless they have been there themselves. For example, one of my favorite books, Man search for meaning. A book about a man who has survived the holocaust and lived to tell the story. As graphic and detailed his stories are in the book about the concentration camps for the Jews. I could not even begin to imagine what that experience was like. I also wonder, would I be mentally strong to survive something like that?
There are days where I hate my life. My living situation, my work, my finances, my careers, etc. I feel like I know the 10 steps to success due to all the books that I have read. For some reason, I have skipped steps 1 through 5 and went straight to 6. I know things about tax deductions, how to file an LLC, get my name trademark, which business seminar to go to, what books to read, and how to sell products to business. What’s crazy is that I don’t even have my foundation started. I am like a hospital building waiting to help people, but once you go inside; you will notice there is no staff, no beds, and much less, no doctors.
For the last couple months, I have been struggling to pay rent. Not that I wish, but sometimes I wish I could tell people, I am a drug addict or an alcoholic. A reason why I don’t have any spare money. The reality is, my expenses are too high (Mostly rent). I wish I could choose a place a lot cheaper, but I have to consider location due to the fact that I don’t drive.
I need the convenience of public transportation, supermarket, easy route to work and more. Things that a person with a car will not think about. At the moment, I am looking for a place now, so let’s see if it pans out.
I also have a project that I am working on now called Simple-Mitts. This will be my 2nd business venture after a failed one called PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT PROMOTIONS, where I provided dancers and entertainment for the clubs. Simple-Mitts is a program to help personal trainers learn the boxing and kickboxing skills to use with their fitness clients. Going with the concept that you don’t need money to start, I still have to invest a little money in a tripod, hosting sites for videos and more. Granted, it’s still cheaper than getting a loan with interest at a bank. I have always been very reliant on myself and if I really really had too, I will ask for help.
Major lesson, don’t ask your family for their advice on a business venture that you are planning on. No offense to them, but at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself this one questions.
- Are my family and friends even the demographic of the type of clients I am going after?
If the answer is no! Then do not ask them because they will not understand what you are trying to do. Am I being mean, maybe? Look up how Abercrombie & Fitch got started. In the beginning, when they were just looking to make it into a catalog, they got a lot shit from their family and friends. “Well, what if this and what if that….” After their conversation with their family, they were unsure to continue to just drop the dumb idea. Thankfully, they didn’t listen and pushed forward and the rest is history! If you need advice go find people who are already doing what you are looking to do
Sometimes, I have doubts if any of my goals and dreams will work. Sometimes, I have images that things will not go my way. Sometimes, I get scared that I will have to go back to work in an environment that I fucking hate. Sometimes, I feel like I am going to lose my mind if I stay where I am at and even sometimes, the thought of being average really scares me. I am not scared of a lot of things. When I am scared of something, I make my mind go blank and just do it. When I think about dying average or unaccomplished, those thoughts are what keeps me up at night. Those thoughts, makes my heart beat faster, and those thoughts make me sad and depressed.
Rocky Balboa said it best in the movie Creed. “The person you see in the mirror is the biggest opponent you will face.” Not the guy on the other side of the corner.” I think I have more self-doubt than belief sometimes. I have mastered the art of putting up a front because my belief in myself is so low.
Why is it low?! I don’t know! It could be all the failures that I have had so far, all the things that I wanted to be, all the things people said I could do and all the potential people said I had, I never really used it.. so sad and it hurts.
There is this feeling that I want.. I am a huge fan of boxing and MMA. One of my favorite things to watch when I see the fighters fight is when they win the belt. Watching the winners faces after they won the fight is so awesome. They have their hands in the air with a huge smile and their eyes closed trying to accept their new reality. Someone from behind wraps the gold around their waist. They look at the belt and touch it to make sure it’s real, they rub the belt with their hands to make sure it is real again. Once they are convinced it is not a vision or dream anymore, they raise their hands again to complete the ceremony. I want my hands raised after a battle!!
So what do I need to to do to get there??
Well, looking at myself in the mirror this morning and for the rest of the day: I realized that I cannot trust myself or my intentions anymore. I have the best intentions in the world to be great and be more than what I am today; but when I reflect my progress, milestones, and goals. I am nowhere near where I need to be. In the beginning of the month, I start off great and then lose momentum. I lose momentum because I am impatient and at times, I do not believe in myself. So, how do I fix this?
I have to view myself from an outside perspective now. For the moment, I cannot rely on myself having the “Saving the world intentions” anymore because they keep failing me. So now, I will rely on my actions. So if you know me by now, I am not going to complain and bitch about a problem without ending with a solution.
So, I have to look at myself as a sales employee. The number of sales I will get, will come down to the amount of effort that I put in. How many calls did I make? How many pitches did I do? How many NO”s did I get? Etc. Same thing applies to my work and goals. For now, (including this blog) I will document every productive task that I do on my calendar. At the end of each day, I will look at it and ask myself, “did I do enough today? Could I have done more?” At the end of the week, I will look back at my efforts and action and see if I am making any progress. John Maxwell, once said, “I can tell how successful you are going to be just by following you around for one day.” At the time, when I heard that, I was like, “whatever bro” But the man is right!! What you do with the free time that you have and how you use it, will dictate your future.
So follow my social media accounts to see my progress. I will treat myself as an employee and only judge myself according to the amount of actions I put towards my project.
I am worthy of greatness and so are you!!